“Hey Dad! I got into the Academy”
“Great son, well done! What’s that you’ve got there in your hand?”
“Oh it’s my Gym programme. Oh and Muuuum…I’ve got to be taking in 4500 calories a day from now on.”
"But you’re a scrum half!”“

Watching the New Zealand team take apart the French in the RWC semi-final the first reaction was one of utter respect and admiration. Great performance and great skills. Why can’t we play like that? English coaches must have been watching with some embarrassment given our national team’s performance. I know I was.

However after another beer and some reflection, the view changed somewhat. Why should we coaches at the lower levels be embarrassed? For a start, after 15 minutes the French went into ‘surrender monkey’ mode. The era of exciting, sweeping French play is over. More’s the pity.

New Zealand only did things that we teach our under 10’s. Run straight, fix the man and pass the ball accurately. The difference was that it was their forwards that were doing that. Better than the English back line could. At one point 4 New Zealand forwards attacked down a narrow 7 metre channel. Each ran straight, held their line, timed the pass and the outside man was away.

No, the embarrassment should be in the professional coaching ranks. Those junior club coaches have produced a conveyor belt of talent that has seen England recently reach 3 JWC finals and win 2. Whilst the junior club mini coaches are drilling into their young players to look for space, draw defenders and move the ball on, at some point the pro guys are calling a halt to all that. If you are a forward put your head down and take the contact, you are a ball carrier. (Ball carrier? When did that come in? Before the professional era the concept was unknown.) No, as soon as professionalism came in what did the top clubs do? Got a gym. You only have to look at Tom Youngs’ grotesque artificial physique to see where the focus of his training is. It’s certainly not on his skills.

Ball carrier! For the life of me I cannot fathom the logic of having the ball and then charging into the opposition (making it easier for them to tackle you) to create a breakdown (the clue is in the name) and then have to commit 3 or 4 of your players to win back a ball that you already had!
If that makes sense to you, send your CV to a Premiership Club they’ll snap you up. But don’t apply for a coaching role in New Zealand. Oh and don’t bother to come down to Sandbach on a Sunday morning to coach some of our 300 youngsters.

And that French coach who has overseen the demise of what was the greatest attacking nation in world rugby? He learned his trade in the English Premiership.